The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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