I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
