So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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