OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My hand turned me down
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
