When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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