I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
