I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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