I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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