I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Say something about gay babies.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
