she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
