No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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