she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
