That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
