Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
