New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
