I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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