I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
