It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
