I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
