Betty ford says i'm here all night
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
