It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
