i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
