You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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