i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
