i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
