Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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