dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
