Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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