If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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