One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Randomize