you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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