It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
