You're my little dorito
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
