You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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