she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize