but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
