Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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