Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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