my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
