He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
