that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
