It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Holy sore nipples Batman
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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