i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
