In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
