I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize