We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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