Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize