My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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