she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
