Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
