It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
