I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
