batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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