nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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