You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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