Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
