you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
