You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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