yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
