Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I want to fling myself into the sun
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize