she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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