yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
