I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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