This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
