If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
