my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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