I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
no, he came in my armpit
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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