I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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