MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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