yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
