I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
