man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize