Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
