I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize