I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
