So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Randomize
